First the gong show happening south of the border invented the concept of ‘alternative facts.’  Now it’s ‘alternative names.’

“Yesterday the president had an incredibly productive set of meetings and discussions with Prime Minister Joe Trudeau of Canada,” said press secretary Sean Spicer.

Say it ain’t so, Joe – but seriously?

The stuff coming out of this guy’s mouth sometimes would give Bilbo Baggins a run for his money.

On the up side, the first face-to-face meeting seemed to go well. Although you might have a hard time believing anything that Trump says, he did indicate that Canada is not his priority in terms of trade and border security. No tough measures, just what he called ‘tweaks.’ Let’s see about those tweaks. We are indeed the mouse in the room with the elephant and even a tweak could hurt.

So many Tories, so little French

The Tories could field a football team and have a few to spare with their leadership hopefuls.

They rolled into town this week for a debate, and the ability of some of the candidates to utter a few words in French was frankly embarrassing. It’s French for goodness sakes, not Ferengi.

Kevin O’Leary managed to get by with a script – kind of.  

“Je comprends maintenant tres bien l’importance de français,” he said.

He promises he will debate Justin Trudeau in French in 2019. Oh my, that would not be pretty.

The Tories are still tied to the arcane system where every riding in the country has equal votes at the leadership convention. That means roughly a quarter of the delegates will be from Quebec.  

French will be an issue and rightly so. Can you imagine a candidate who could not speak English aspiring to be prime minister? Deux poids, deux mesures? Bilingualism is fundamental. That is a Canadian condition.

Racism inspectors?

Finally, the silliest suggestion of the week comes from Jean-François Lisée.

In a province which is over-governed and over-inspected, the PQ leader wants a whole new squad of racism inspectors. They would go into businesses in disguise to root out discrimination.

In theory it might seem like a good idea. 

Every right thinking person believes racism is pox on society, but this opens all kinds of doors that frankly I don't think we want to enter – unless of course we combine the racism inspectors with the language inspectors and maybe throw in the tobacco inspectors and tax inspectors.

Employers who don't speak French, who don't like minorities and who smoke illegal cigarettes and are behind in their taxes.