'Owning' vs raising a child: What it means to foster in Quebec

Fostering, majority, tutorship and adoption: the jargon prospective families have to learn before embarking on a journey to welcome a child into their home can be overwhelming.

In its most simple terms, it all starts with what kind of life a family wants to gain from the experience.

For parents who do not want to act as "regular" foster families -- where the children eventually return home -- there is the option of the "mixed bank" program.

• READ MORE: Want to become a foster parent in Montreal? Here's how it works

Marie-Pierre Ulysse, a manager in charge of foster care with Batshaw Youth and Family Centres, explains this is when kids need long-term placement.

"There's a lot of need for children with a kind of foster care-type forever profile," she tells CTV News. "It's not necessarily that you're adopting the child. The child can be with you in long-term foster care."

When it comes to extended placements, there are several options, including having a child until the age of majority, tutorship and adoption.

"Do you want to have the pleasure of raising a child? Meaning, you don't necessarily have to 'own' (fully adopt) the child, but you have the pleasure of raising the child," she explains. "You have a child that will be with you for a lifetime but will have contact with his parents."

A family reads together. (Kindel Media/pexels.com)

The waitlist for the mixed bank is very long, and Ulysse adds the more open-minded people are, the more likely they are to get a child.

This was the case for Erica Johnson and Jonathan Dybka, who first entered the program hoping to adopt.

But Johnson, who works part-time as a pediatric nurse, says she soon felt compelled to open her home -- and her heart -- to children of all needs.

"We started doing regular fostering as well, and I really fell in love, we both fell in love, with the process of reunification and sort of helping families restabilize and be able to reunite," she said.

Majority, tutorship or adoption?

Ulysse points out that when a child is in the mixed bank, it's not a guarantee that they will live with their foster family forever.

"When we match children, there's always a piece of uncertainty, especially at the beginning, in the sense that you can anticipate that this child will have a need for placement forever, and then all of a sudden, there's a family member that comes around," she said.

This is something Johnson says she can relate to.

"A lot of our long-term kids, we got them quite young, so it's pretty hard not to love them," she said, smiling. "I think it was more of, I always kind of keep up that barrier a little bit...Maybe they're going to be staying with us long term."

The couple, who lives in Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, has one biological child together, as well as four who are with them long-term.

"We've done it quite a few times where we've had to let children go," Johnson recalls. "We feel sad, but at the same time, we know that we were there for them in a difficult period of their life, and we helped get this family over that difficult period."

All the same, parents assigned a child can apply for majority or tutorship of them -- that is, solidifying their long-term commitment while still working hand-in-hand with youth protection.

It is, however, not the same as adoption, where the biological parents terminate all parental rights, and youth protection takes a step back.

• READ MORE: Lack of foster families in Montreal forcing siblings apart

It's important to note, according to Stephanie Higden, head of the foster family Life Project transition program at Batshaw Youth and Family Centres, that the parents are not the ones who get to decide.

"That is not a choice that comes from the foster parents," she tells CTV News. "It's a choice that comes from what is in the best interest of the child in the conditions that they have at that moment."

Parental contact

Batshaw said one of its strengths is encouraging children to have contact with their biological parents, no matter if they are part of a long-term or adoption plan.

"We work very strongly, very hard, with all of our applicants when they come forward to explain the importance of parental contact...the importance of the connection to their family of origin when it's possible," said Higden. "If there's a possibility for the child to have contact with their parents, we absolutely encourage it, and it's absolutely expected throughout the fostering process."

Two hands holding. (Kindel Media/pexels.com)

Johnson says her experience welcoming both children and their biological parents into her life has been positive.

"A lot of my long-term kiddos still maintain a relationship with their parents, and it's a good thing," said Johnson. "They get to visit with their parents, and I still maintain a relationship with them."

She said one of the most important things a prospective foster parent can do before starting the process is realizing that many of these children have experienced trauma in their short lives -- but that doesn't mean they're not loved.

"It's just more people to love the child, and maybe the parent at that time is not able to care for them as they would want but they're still able to participate in their child's life and have a say," Johnson said.

• READ MORE: Want to become a foster parent in Montreal? Here's how it works

Ulysse notes that foster parents will be given a clear plan regarding what is expected of them from the start.

"It will identify very clearly if the child is visiting with mom once a week, with dad once every two weeks or vice versa, or if their siblings visit, so what's expected of the foster parent will be quite clearly established," she said.

She notes what occurs "once an adoption is finalized is a different story," as the parents are given full rights over the child.

To learn more about Batshaw Youth and Family Centres or embark on a foster journey, click here.